Death Deals

Teetering on heels, tight rope walking the sky-rise ledge
I contemplate the infinite shattered glass
Screams of horrors from spectral onlookers
Oh yes, I’ll touch their lives,
For once I’ll touch their lives

Wind cries in my ears, begging, pleading reconsideration
A pigeon glares with suspicious eyes
He doesn’t think I’ll do it,
The gray of his feathers doubts my commitment
I belly laugh at my insanity, who the hell cares about the color of his doubt

“You’re making this easy on me”
A murky voice slithered across my skin
Chills pierced my body
I didn’t have to turn to see… I knew who it was.


“What do you want…”
I retorted without turning.
“besides the obvious?”

Silence

I turned to regard Death
bastard was mere inches away glaring with dead fish eyes
I startled, my footing slipped
And the teasing ledge sidestepped me
The pleading wind now wailed in my ears
and in a blink, five stories rose above, 30 to go.

Click

Time snapped and stopped
My ears rang devoid of screeching wind
Though my screams carried on in deafening echoes
And my pulse thundered for not being told of our pause

“Fun ride?” that asshole asked with a dead swine smile
And palatable humor

Thoughts fled as my body remain suspended
Facing pavement and frozen human shapes far below

“No?” He asked with his mirth waning
He sighed
“I never understood the decisions you make at times.”

“Me?” I managed to squeak out through my strained larynx

He belly laughed, “No, the other suicidal jerk behind you.”

I narrowed eyes…now wasn’t a great time for sarcasm.

"Actually, not you per se, but your kind
So willing to throw everything away one minute
To turn around the next
And beg, cheat and steal for just one more year"

He sighed again and shook his head.
Approaching he place a boney hand on my shoulder
I took the chance to notice details
Spider webs interlaced in the crevices
(something from those old paintings)
And breath that smelled oddly like patchouli at this closeness

“Is this what you wanted to see?” He asked
And time snapped and refocused
Transporting us to another place, another…time

My mother wailed, her cries reminded me of the wind
I stood above her as I had hung above the pavement earlier
Her cries tore through me shattering what was left of my heart
She wept for me, over me
And for my wasted life
Asking why I leapt and where had I gone
Why was I taken from her
All while clutching a tattered photo of when I was five
Smiling with innocent delight
Memories flooded my mind washing out the horrors
That pushed me to that lonesome edge

Pain
I felt pain, hers and mine
Looking up I saw so much more, so many faces wet with tears
Rendering my fleeting hate, my fears
Insignificant

What had I done?

“You see it now, don’t you?” Death whispered

I did.

“I changed my mind, I don’t want to die.” I pleaded hoping to bargain my life back
“So now what?” I asked with my throat constricting on my guilt

“Hm?” Death asked with a bemused lit
“Now what?” He repeated

A long silent pause followed
Snaking between my ears
While Death considered Time
And weighed my worth
Or so I thought

“You die”

And as I fell
Those last 30 floors
He explained quite bluntly
“You closed your eyes, so I didn’t have to
gave into your struggles and strife.
You’ve forsaken the gift that was your life
and now have no way to barter
For
No wealth, no land, no silver, no gold
satisfies me like your soul”


©2011 R. Renée Vickers