Jack was a boy of 14 who, once again, found himself in a new school. He lost count on how many times he had moved in the last few years, but it didn’t matter anymore. “Sorry honey, but the work is better there.” He remembered his mom saying. It was the same excuse she always used, but no matter how many times she said it, it was no truer now than before. Empty words.
In truth, he knew she couldn’t hold down a job. Just like her relationships and the rest of her life, her love of alcohol was all consuming and came first. She’d wreck her life once, sometimes twice a year. And they’d move to new town with new faces.
Today was yet another first day for Jack. He sighed, adjusted his worn out book bag and kicked his dusty Converses. First days were never his favorite. They were almost as bad as last days. But after the last few moves, in the past year and a half, Jack promised himself he would leave no more friends behind. He wouldn’t make any more this time…he wouldn’t allow himself that pain again.
He took extra care to grimace at each new smiling face, to give sour remarks to every cordial greeting and to make sure no one would want to be friendly to him. Weeks passed and Jack had earned exactly the reputation he sought. A recluse, mean, ugly…that kid. A loner. Finally people stopped trying. He didn’t even mind hearing the whispered rumors about why he came to the school. Some said he got kicked out from his last school from starting fights, others speculated much worse scenarios. All of it was welcomed by Jack.
He didn’t care. At least that’s what he told himself every night he came home to an empty apartment or woke up to find his mom passed out on the living room floor. It’d only be a matter of time now.
After only four months all signs were pointing to the end of his stay in this new place. He couldn’t help but notice this cycle was happening in faster succession. His mom had “missed” work for a solid week now. Of course he knew she’d been fired, but she wouldn’t tell him. “Mommy’s been sick, honey. I’ll be back to work as soon as I feel better.” She said again in her whiskey breath. He felt sick to his stomach hearing it. Of course she didn’t remember that she told him the same exact thing the last time, but he did.
Before he left for school one morning the following week he left a note for his mom.
Talent show at the school tonight.
6 PM
I’m playing my guitar.
As he shut the door he knew she wouldn’t be there, but he thought he should try. A pang of desperate solitude tore through him; he couldn’t help feeling so alone. No friends, no one to rely on. But he knew it would change tonight. Originally he wasn’t going to sign up for the talent show, but he needed some relief.
At 5:45 PM he climbed the stairs and waited back stage for his turn to go on. The auditorium was full of happy faces, joyfully anticipating the show. Nerves fluttered in his stomach as he slipped behind the curtain with his classmates.
Stacy Wyllington was first up. She told jokes and all of her friends laughed. Michael Beauregard was up next; he juggled as his classmates chuckled. Jimmy Mack, Emily Trueman and Andrea Falco took their turns to wow and impress their friends.
When Jack took the stage at 6:30, no one clapped. He was met by silence and blank stares. He swallowed his fears and took his seat on the lone stool at center stage. He put his tattered book bag down and set his guitar on his lap.
“Many of you don’t know me. My name is Jack.” He said in a soft voice into the mic. Scanning the faces in the crowd he noticed all of the vacant seats where his mother didn’t sit. It didn’t surprise him. In fact he was relieved she wasn’t there. In his heart he didn’t want her to see this.
He strummed the strings on his worn, beat up guitar. The same one that one of his mom’s ex-boyfriends gave him. “Tonight, I’ll sing ‘I don’t mind’ by Royal Bliss.” He announced and adjusted himself on the seat to a comfortable position.
In truth, he knew she couldn’t hold down a job. Just like her relationships and the rest of her life, her love of alcohol was all consuming and came first. She’d wreck her life once, sometimes twice a year. And they’d move to new town with new faces.
Today was yet another first day for Jack. He sighed, adjusted his worn out book bag and kicked his dusty Converses. First days were never his favorite. They were almost as bad as last days. But after the last few moves, in the past year and a half, Jack promised himself he would leave no more friends behind. He wouldn’t make any more this time…he wouldn’t allow himself that pain again.
He took extra care to grimace at each new smiling face, to give sour remarks to every cordial greeting and to make sure no one would want to be friendly to him. Weeks passed and Jack had earned exactly the reputation he sought. A recluse, mean, ugly…that kid. A loner. Finally people stopped trying. He didn’t even mind hearing the whispered rumors about why he came to the school. Some said he got kicked out from his last school from starting fights, others speculated much worse scenarios. All of it was welcomed by Jack.
He didn’t care. At least that’s what he told himself every night he came home to an empty apartment or woke up to find his mom passed out on the living room floor. It’d only be a matter of time now.
After only four months all signs were pointing to the end of his stay in this new place. He couldn’t help but notice this cycle was happening in faster succession. His mom had “missed” work for a solid week now. Of course he knew she’d been fired, but she wouldn’t tell him. “Mommy’s been sick, honey. I’ll be back to work as soon as I feel better.” She said again in her whiskey breath. He felt sick to his stomach hearing it. Of course she didn’t remember that she told him the same exact thing the last time, but he did.
Before he left for school one morning the following week he left a note for his mom.
Talent show at the school tonight.
6 PM
I’m playing my guitar.
As he shut the door he knew she wouldn’t be there, but he thought he should try. A pang of desperate solitude tore through him; he couldn’t help feeling so alone. No friends, no one to rely on. But he knew it would change tonight. Originally he wasn’t going to sign up for the talent show, but he needed some relief.
At 5:45 PM he climbed the stairs and waited back stage for his turn to go on. The auditorium was full of happy faces, joyfully anticipating the show. Nerves fluttered in his stomach as he slipped behind the curtain with his classmates.
Stacy Wyllington was first up. She told jokes and all of her friends laughed. Michael Beauregard was up next; he juggled as his classmates chuckled. Jimmy Mack, Emily Trueman and Andrea Falco took their turns to wow and impress their friends.
When Jack took the stage at 6:30, no one clapped. He was met by silence and blank stares. He swallowed his fears and took his seat on the lone stool at center stage. He put his tattered book bag down and set his guitar on his lap.
“Many of you don’t know me. My name is Jack.” He said in a soft voice into the mic. Scanning the faces in the crowd he noticed all of the vacant seats where his mother didn’t sit. It didn’t surprise him. In fact he was relieved she wasn’t there. In his heart he didn’t want her to see this.
He strummed the strings on his worn, beat up guitar. The same one that one of his mom’s ex-boyfriends gave him. “Tonight, I’ll sing ‘I don’t mind’ by Royal Bliss.” He announced and adjusted himself on the seat to a comfortable position.
What a lonely place this can be
My only friend is this guitar
And a page with the stories of my life
And I don’t fear destiny
Like I don’t fear what will take my life
And for you I would gladly cross that line
I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind,
I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
Well I guess it’s like you’ve been told
I got a broken spine with a beat up soul
And I don’t blame you for being worried all the time
But I can make the choice
The only thing I have’s my voice
I believe it if I have to, you decide
And I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind,
No, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
Cause I would do anything for you
Oh, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
When I end
And I end
No, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind,
No, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
What a lonely place this can be
My only friend is this guitar
And a page with the stories of my life
My only friend is this guitar
And a page with the stories of my life
And I don’t fear destiny
Like I don’t fear what will take my life
And for you I would gladly cross that line
I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind,
I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
Well I guess it’s like you’ve been told
I got a broken spine with a beat up soul
And I don’t blame you for being worried all the time
But I can make the choice
The only thing I have’s my voice
I believe it if I have to, you decide
And I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind,
No, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
Cause I would do anything for you
Oh, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
When I end
And I end
No, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind,
No, I don’t mind, I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
What a lonely place this can be
My only friend is this guitar
And a page with the stories of my life
The last chord of the song and the sound of the strings reverberated throughout the auditorium. He grinned to himself as hesitant clapping turned thunderous and strange smiling faces rose to standing bodies.
Jack smiled knowing this right here was the best night of his life. He stood and bowed. Then he turned away from the crowd and fished his mother’s 9mm pistol out of his tattered book bag. Before anyone could do anything to stop him he said, “Thank you and goodbye Renfield High School.”
Jack lifted the barrel to the soft flesh of his neck under his jaw and pulled the trigger.
“It was unexpected, what happened there.” Mr. Noonan, the Principal of Renfield High School was quoted saying on the 5 O’Clock news.
© 2010 R. Renée Vickers (All Rights Reserved)
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